Healthy, Non-Carcinogenic Mexican Glass

It was the first day back from spring break, and I was in need of a new water bottle. I drink water, and quite a lot of it through the school day. Though I’m told drinking too much water could be a sign of early onset diabetes — not to mention family history two generations deep — I don’t really care about that.

Plastic bottles weren’t cutting it. Forgetting my irrational lack of caution toward diabetes, I am most a-feared of cancer. As I hear it, refilling plastic bottles will get you your very own cancer, and not the kind you get better from.

It’s a good thing that Tapatio comes in a glass bottle.

I had invested in a 32-ounce bottle of Tapatio, a Mexican hot sauce made by real Mexicans and is sold at warehouse discount stores around my city. I bought my bottle in celebration — mourning? — of spring break’s lack of dorm cafeteria.

I had finished it not an hour before I decided I needed a new water bottle.

If nothing else, drinking water from this Tapatio bottle should buy me some street cred with students. Our high school is 48 percent Hispanic.

Reactions ranged from disbelief and shock to near-asphyxiation from laughter. My seniors held back their dismay much more easily than my sophomores, some of whom still giggle at the sight of me twisting off the top and chugging away.

Once I had made clear that it was a glass bottle, one hopefully unattentive student asked me if I had been squeezing the water out.

Overall, my street cred was gained. I imagine Bulldog membership is on the way.

Moral of the story? Tapatio: the ultimate equalizer.

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