Disgusting Bachelor Pad Cuisine

Bachelor pad food comes in three overarching varieties. First, food inspired by the microwave:

Bean and Tapatio Burritos

1 can of generic-brand refried beans
3 flour tortillas
12 oz. Tapatio sauce

1. Empty Sunny Select refrieds into a cereal bowl.
2. Add Tapatio to taste.
3. Cover bowl with three tortillas for use as a splatter screen.
4. Cook in microwave on high for three minutes.
5. Fold beans and Tapatio sauce into tortillas.
Alternate instructions: Dig in, monster style.

Cost per meal: 60 cents.

Second, food inspired by nostalgia:

Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwiches

chunky peanut butter, as desired
strawberry jam, as desired
cheap loaves of wheat bread

1. Make a sandwich. You should be able to figure this one out.

Cost per meal: 25 cents.

Third, nostalgia food that serves more than one:

Macaroni and Cheese

milk, I think
ridiculous amounts of butter
box of macaroni and cheese

1. Boil water; scald yourself instead.
2. Put macaroni in boiling water.
3. Realize you don’t have a strainer.
4. Knock down neighborhood doors, asking for a strainer. Give up, as desired.
5. Make Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwiches.
Alternate instructions: Follow the instructions Kraft provided.

Cost per meal: 80 cents.

I’m also a huge fan of the 88-cent-pizzas from FoodMaxx, and I could eat pot pies until the cows come home.

Any other favorites out there that I missed?

  1. Phil V

    You should try the frozen burrito/chimi 10-packs that go for $2-3 at Winco. They require almost no preparation and might even contain traces of meat-related product.

    When I’m really carnivorous, I go for microwave hot dogs. The meat and buns go for $3 total, making a per-dog price of about 38 cents.

  2. I’ve tried those burritos — barely edible, and relatively expensive compared to my Tapatio-and-bean burritos. Ironic, almost.

    I usually don’t bother with buns when it comes to hot dogs. I’m more of a fold-the-bread-in-half kind of guy. Nice and cheap. I have bread, anyway, and I go through it quickly enough that I don’t need to worry about them going stale.

    In general, I prefer to use what I have, and I don’t worrying about buying anything special. I don’t purchase mustard for the same reason. Know what condiment goes great with hot-dog-on-wheat? Tapatio.

  3. “Give up, as desired.”


    I went through the same thing with Ramen, which I usually strained. What unmarried person owns a strainer, anyway?

  4. I usually let my ramen soak for about half of an hour, then I heat it up. This dispenses with the need for a strainer, or even a spoon.

    I don’t bother with the flavoring, because I have my own: Tapatio. I keep finding uses for that hot sauce; funny how that works.

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