Life is Ouch
My girlfriend argues with and torments me in all the best possible ways. Healthy relationship, even if she does talk like Sarah Palin.
You should say that you never thought you could find a woman who could be so committed, and devoted, and get you the most awesome birthday gift ever and that you’ll love it and I think you’ll like it, but if you don’t, we can take it back and get a refund, and I’ll just give you the money and get you something else, but I think you’d like it, and you’d better like it because it cost me my first-born child.
But I don’t want you to say this at all. You could probably write it better than I could.
She read this, then she hit me. Then she hugged me, right in the place where my arm hurt the most from the hitting.